High Standards Don’t Mean Success
High Standards Don’t Mean Success (and can keep your career change stuck)
by Kate Maxwell
Are you the kind of person who holds themselves to a high standard?
And maybe that’s something you feel really proud of because it means you’ve been a high performer your whole life.
But what if those standards that helped you achieve so much are now the very thing holding you back?
In this episode I dive into the way that high standards can stop us from taking action and making the changes we’re craving in our life and career.
Timestamps
00:00 – Intro
00:28 – Understanding unreasonable expectations
01:14 – Perfectionism and fixed mindset
04:08 – Belonging and external validation
05:48 – Practical steps to manage expectations
07:06 – Slowing down to speed up
09:19 – Conclusion and next steps
Mentioned In “High standards don’t mean success”
Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck
Ready to set kinder goals, and build trust in yourself without chasing impossible standards?
Full Transcript
What do you expect of yourself?
And are those expectations helping you—or holding you back?
I'm your host, Kate Maxwell, and I’m an expert at coaching media and tech professionals who want to choose a new career direction. This space exists to give you that extra push as you take the leap—with pep talks, tools, and techniques.
Above all, I want to challenge the assumptions you have about what you can and can’t do, and who you can and can’t be.
Why unreasonable expectations show up in career change
This idea of how to set reasonable expectations of yourself comes up time and time again in coaching. It’s especially relevant when you’re asking career questions, because we often have unreasonable expectations about ourselves in relation to our work.
So today, I want to talk about:
What’s behind those unreasonable expectations,
The impact they have on us, and
What we can do about them.
Let’s dive in.
What’s driving your high (and often unhelpful) standards?
Unreasonable expectations are usually powered by a blend of:
Perfectionism
Fixed mindset
A need for belonging, and
Absorbed external standards
1. Perfectionism: the myth of effortless excellence
Perfectionism is the epitome of holding yourself to unreasonably high standards. It’s tightly linked to a fixed mindset—the idea that if you’re truly talented, things should come easily.
It’s about needing to get everything right the first time, without any visible effort. Effortless perfection. Effortlessly excellent. Achieving without effort.
Expecting yourself to get it right first time? Nonsense.
There are so many reasons we might hold this expectation. If you want to go deeper into fixed versus growth mindset, I highly recommend Dr. Carol Dweck’s book Mindset. It explores why people with a fixed mindset believe that effort is a sign of failure—when in fact, it’s the path to success.
2. The pressure to perform perfectly
This pressure to perform creates massive stress and a fear of mistakes. And it seeps directly into our career decisions.
We start believing we need the perfect career.
We must earn the perfect amount of money.
We must work in the perfect industry.
If you’re stuck in indecision right now, you might be judging yourself harshly simply for having indecision—because it feels like proof you didn’t get it right first time.
Or maybe you’re putting huge pressure on yourself to make the perfect next move—without allowing any space for trial, error, or exploration.
3. My own example: learning the hard way
When I started my postgraduate certificate in coaching, I didn’t yet understand how much fixed mindset thinking was influencing my expectations.
I genuinely expected myself to sit down and write a brilliant postgraduate-level essay—without ever having done it before, and without putting any effort in.
Just to somehow know how to do it.
That is the fixed mindset in action.
Thankfully, part of that course was learning about mindsets, and it was transformational. It helped me understand how unrealistic expectations were showing up everywhere in my life—and now, I bring that insight into my coaching work every day.
The role of belonging and external validation
The next piece of the “too-high expectations” puzzle is belonging.
The need to belong can have a huge impact on how we feel we need to perform.
If you’re in an industry that prides itself on being “the dream job”—say, film and TV—you might feel enormous pressure to stay, to fit in, to keep performing at that industry’s high standards.
Culturally, there’s so much messaging like, “Why would you ever want to leave?”
But here’s the truth: if you don’t like it, you don’t like it—and that’s okay.
You don’t need to force yourself to enjoy something just because other people think you should.
When expectations aren’t really yours
We also absorb external standards from the world around us.
For me, it looked like chasing big corporate bonuses. I felt I had to prove myself by working relentlessly, because those bonuses were “proof” of my worth and skill.
Sure, they validated me in the moment—but they also hooked me on external validation.
If your expectations are built around making others happy, impressing your peers, or looking successful from the outside, you’ll find it really hard to choose a career direction that genuinely feels good to you.
What to do about it
Here’s where to start: bring a critical eye to your motivations and expectations.
This isn’t about self-criticism. It’s about critical thinking.
When you notice yourself expecting something—like staying in a job you hate because everyone else says it’s glamorous—pause and ask:
“What’s behind that expectation?”
Is it about wanting to fit in?
Prove your worth?
Avoid feeling like you’ve failed?
Spot the story underneath.
The Navy SEAL principle: Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
There’s a quote, often attributed to the Navy SEALs:
“Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.”
Let that be your mantra.
I invite you to drastically reduce the expectations you have of yourself—and slow down with them.
Coaching isn’t about rushing. It’s about slowing down enough to clear away the friction.
Even though it might feel urgent to find clarity, the counterintuitive truth is: slowing down actually gets you there faster.
Why slowing down works
When you slow down, you can:
See which expectations belong to you versus other people
Untangle your mental “knots”
Reduce resistance and friction
Build trust with yourself through achievable steps
Small, kind, slower expectations are more achievable. And when you achieve them, you build confidence. You start keeping promises to yourself—and that strengthens your self-trust.
Confidence isn’t born from massive leaps. It’s built from steady, sustainable wins.
Final thoughts: kinder expectations, faster growth
You don’t need to prove your worth by meeting impossible standards.
Instead, set expectations that help you grow, not ones that keep you stuck.
If any of this resonates with you, it’s exactly the kind of work I do inside my coaching programmes. You’ll find details in the episode description—or head to katemaxwellcoaching.com to learn more.
Don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe—it really helps the show reach more people and helps me know what’s landing for you.
Next time, I’ll be talking about tools for when you feel hyper-emotional and everything is just a bit much.
Until then, remember: you’ve got this. I’m in your corner. 💪
* This blog post was co-created with AI, using my transcript. My aim is for the blog to be as verbatim as possible, so you’re in contact with me not the robots! Using AI means the blog can exist in the first place so it’s a use that works for me right now!
Any thoughts, let me know!
HEY THERE, I’M KATE!
I coach tech & media pros to create a new career direction.
