You don’t need to prove anything
What to Do When You Feel You Have Something to Prove at Work
by Kate Maxwell
“You don’t need to earn your worth through performance or through continued sustained high achievement.”
Ever catch yourself trying to prove you’re good enough - again? This week I’m digging into why we chase validation at work (and in life), and how that constant need to earn approval shapes the decisions we make.
I’ll walk you through how to spot whose opinions are running the show, how to turn the volume down on your inner critics, and what it really takes to start trusting yourself instead.
Because you don’t need to earn your worth.
You already have it.
Timestamps
00:00 – The pressure to prove yourself at work
01:04 – Why we crave validation and how it forms
02:50 – How to identify your critics and supporters
04:53 – The hidden cost of external validation
07:22 – How to switch to internal validation
10:55 – Steps to practice self-validation
11:53 – Final encouragement and next steps
Mentioned In “You don’t need to prove anything”
Brené Brown’s Arena Moments exercise
“There is not enough external validation in the world for you to finally feel like you are enough.”
Full Transcript
Introduction
Feeling like you need to prove yourself? You’re not alone. In this episode of Blueprints to Becoming, I explore what’s happening beneath that constant pressure to achieve, and how learning to validate yourself can transform how you make career decisions.
The Pressure to Prove Yourself
I think this is a pretty relatable experience—feeling like you need to prove yourself. There are some situations where that might seem harmless and part of the process, like if you are maybe starting in a new job and you feel like you need to prove yourself to your new boss, to your new team. But over time, this can become really exhausting when we feel like we are constantly trying to prove ourselves over and over and over again.
Today I want to talk about what’s happening here and what we can do about it, and how this constant need to prove ourselves can really impact our career decision-making, especially when we’re trying to make a transition.
As part of that, this feeling of needing to prove ourselves through the choice that we make gets really tangled and stops us from making any moves or decisions.
“This show exists to support you as you take the leap with pep talks, tools and techniques.”
So the first thing I’m really curious about when you are experiencing an intense need to prove yourself is—who are you trying to prove yourself to?
Who Are You Trying to Prove Yourself To?
This can be a mixture of people—real and imagined—whose opinions hold power over you. When I felt like I had to constantly prove myself in corporate, it was proving myself to my peers, to various different bosses, constantly trying to show that I was worthy of the next thing, constantly seeking praise and validation from those specific people.
But there was also a sense of an imagined judge and jury, and that was much more pervasive.
“It’s the imagined judge and jury that can get in the way of a really big life change.”
Because we’re afraid of people passing judgment on us—wanting to maybe upheave our lives in some way, step away from the success that we currently have—and we’re really afraid of the judgment that will happen there.
So when we want to make a change, we’re trying to prove to others the change is good. This is a good change. Validate my desire to change. Validate the direction that I’m choosing.
Starting to uncover who we’re trying to prove ourselves to is a really important part of that process. Are they real? Are these people relevant to you in your life? Getting really specific about which voices are dominating your headspace—and then being able to choose who is allowed—is really key.
Brené Brown’s Arena Moments
Brené Brown has a lovely tool for this. I came across it during some coaching training. It’s about arena moments, and an arena moment is when you’re stepping out into the arena—whatever your arena may be.
For me, recording the show and sharing the show with you is an arena moment. I’m putting myself out there to be vulnerable, to share my thoughts, to share my expertise—what I perceive to be my expertise—and offer it up for judgment on some level.
“I am in the arena right now with you.”
In the arena, we have several people with us. There are the critics and there are the supporters. Getting clear on who we perceive the critics to be and dialling the volume down—versus who we perceive our supporters to be and dialling the volume up—is key.
When we enter the arena, we are there for our supporters and only for them. The critics exist, but it doesn’t serve us to be in the arena for the critics and to let them carry too much sway on what we are bringing into that arena.
It might be that you are entering an arena now—where you are making a big decision or feel like something has to change—and being in that arena is scary. It doesn’t ever really get easier to be in the arena. But being aware of who is there in the stands, and choosing who you’re going to pay attention to in that space, helps when you might be feeling like you really have something to prove.
How the Need to Prove Shows Up
The next thing I’d like you to consider when you’re navigating this need to prove yourself is how it really shows up in your behaviour.
Needing to prove yourself can look like overworking, overachieving, people-pleasing, perfectionism—and all of those things, as we know, lead to the big-B burnout.
Needing to prove yourself is exhausting because you’re always doing more. And for what?
“We are doing more for external validation.”
External validation can look like praise, your performance review, your bonus, getting a raise, getting the promotion.
When we’re constantly chasing external validation, there is never enough. Let me tell you—there is not enough external validation in the world for you to finally feel like you have proven yourself or that you are enough.
And really, the true practice to develop is learning how to validate yourself.
Quick Note: Free Workshop
If you’re feeling stuck on where to take your career next—and you’re ready to stop guessing, stop going in circles, and stop not knowing—I’ve created a free 18-minute workshop: How to Make Better Career Decisions so you can finally figure out which direction you want to go in.
Inside, you’ll discover why you’re stuck trying to make this decision, what those hidden barriers are, and a clear three-step method for confident decision-making.
Head to katemaxwellcoach.com/free-workshop to get access.
From External to Internal Validation
Switching from external validation to internal validation is how we move away from this constant need to prove ourselves or strive all the time.
When we learn to internally validate ourselves, this isn’t about getting a big ego or becoming arrogant—it’s about being able, at a very basic level, to accept a compliment and internalise it.
For example, if someone says, “That was a really great presentation,” instead of brushing it off, it’s being able to say thank you and then walking away from that interaction feeling in yourself, I gave a good presentation. I did a good job.
Owning it in the first person—that’s what’s important here.
This might feel hard, especially if you have little experience doing it. You’re forming new neural pathways; it’ll be uncomfortable, even cringey. But it’s so important.
Internal validation helps you realise all the things you’re good at—and I know for a fact there are many.
“Take those bits of feedback, make them part of your identity and your sense of self, and they’ll form this beautiful, anchored, grounded core of who you are.”
It’s not about erasing your weaknesses; it’s about creating a solid, positive foundation from which you no longer need to constantly prove yourself—because at a base level, you know you’ve got this.
A Personal Example
I once received feedback that said, “You are a wildflower.” It really choked me up. It was such a beautiful, generous thing for someone to say, and I had to intentionally sit with the discomfort of receiving it and put it into the first person:
“I am a wildflower.”
That’s something true about me—something that person experienced as true for them—and it became true for me, too.
This is what I’m asking you to do: take feedback that feels genuine and make it part of your inner identity. Let it root you in who you are and all your good qualities.
Catching Yourself in Striving Mode
When you start catching yourself in striving mode, ask:
Who am I trying to impress right now, and why?
Start replacing that external validation with your own acknowledgement. Maybe write down one thing you’re really proud of and frame it in the first person.
“Remember, you don’t need to earn your worth through performance or through continued sustained high achievement.”
Sometimes proving yourself is necessary in specific scenarios—but it needs to come from and be supported by a sense of self-worth grounded in you.
That self-worth comes from accepting all your strengths, your uniqueness, and the wonderful things about who you are.
Closing Thoughts
If this episode has been useful, remember to subscribe or follow the show so you don’t miss new episodes every week.
Next week, we’ll be talking about what to do when you don’t know where to invest your energy—it’s going to be a really nice, practical episode.
Have a wonderful day. I’m in your corner. You’ve got this.
Work With Kate
Ready to stop proving yourself and start building a career that reflects who you really are?
Explore Charted — a 6-week coaching intensive to help you choose a new career direction without burning any bridges.
Or, begin with the free workshop:
🎧 How to Make Better Career Decisions — learn the 3-step method for confident decision-making, available instantly.
* This blog post was co-created with AI, using my transcript. My aim is for the blog to be as verbatim as possible, so you’re in contact with me not the robots! Using AI means the blog can exist in the first place so it’s a use that works for me right now!
Any thoughts, let me know!
HEY THERE, I’M KATE!
I coach tech & media pros to create a new career direction.
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