How to create stability in life & work
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What Does Stability Mean to You?
What feels stable for me will be very different from what stability is for you.
There are going to be some key human needs that are universal, sure. But I’m not here to talk about Maslow’s hierarchy or human givens theory — though we totally can another time, if you're into that.
Today, I want to talk about:
How to create your personal definition of stability
How to do a little stability assessment of your life as it is
And how to make a plan of action to create more stability than you currently have
So let’s start here:
What does stability mean for you?
What does it feel like?
When have you actually experienced it?
What was going on in your day-to-day? What helped you feel grounded?
My Version of Stability? Meal Planning.
For me, stability comes from something as simple as meal planning.
Knowing what I’m eating — breakfast, lunch, dinner — gives me a profound sense of stability. I love not having to ask: “What’s the plan?” or “What’s going on?” I can anticipate. I know what it’s going to taste like. That’s big for me.
But maybe for you? Meal planning every meal of every day sounds like hell.
That’s the point. It’s personal. You’ve got to find the things that work for you — that help you feel stable, grounded, held.
The Illusion of Stability (and Why That’s Okay)
All stability is illusory, right?
At any point, everything could change. We are not in control, not really.
But these little rituals and routines — the meal plans, the weekly budgeting, the tidy inboxes — they’re token gestures that help us feel like we’ve got some grip on it all. And that feeling matters.
So we lean in where we can.
Step One: Do a Stability Audit 📝
Let’s make this practical.
Think about the different life domains where stability might matter to you. I suggest:
Work
Relationships
Finances
Health
Fun / joy / good times
(Add your own too — anything that feels important)
Now grade each of them out of 10.
10 = totally stable and secure
1 = complete shambles
(I sincerely hope none of them are a 1. But if they are — I’ve got you. That’s what private coaching is for.)
Reflect On What’s Working (and What’s Not)
Once you’ve done your little audit:
Look at the stable areas: What’s happening there? What are you doing that’s supporting that sense of stability?
Look at the wobbly ones: What’s one little thing you might want to try — an experiment, a micro-shift — that could help you feel more stable?
This doesn’t have to be huge. Tiny changes count.
Identify Your Destabilizers
Now let’s get honest.
What are the thoughts or behaviours that destabilise you?
Some classic inner ones:
“I don’t belong here.”
“I’m no good at this job.”
“I don’t deserve this.”
These thoughts? Not helpful. Not grounding. Just spirals in disguise.
And some external behaviours:
Cancelling on plans
Backing out last minute
Abruptly changing direction (again)
Spending impulsively
Avoiding your bank account like it’s haunted
Destabilising actions = things that chip away at your sense of security and self-trust.
Also — yes, there can be external destabilisers.
Some people are just destabilising. The way they behave, the way they speak to you, the way they impact your space — it matters.
Start spotting your destabilisers — whether that’s your negative self-talk or external pressures.
Tool Time: The Circle of Control
Let’s not spiral into helplessness here.
Enter: Stephen Covey’s Circle of Control — one of my go-to tools, and a core part of my confidence coaching.
It’s three circles:
1. Circle of Control
What you can control directly
Your thoughts, your reactions, your decisions
2. Circle of Influence
What you can impact but not fully control
Your manager, your partner, your environment
3. Circle of Concern
What you care about but cannot control
The weather, the economy, other people’s opinions
Example: Rain 🌧️
You can’t control the weather.
But you can check the forecast, grab your umbrella, wear the right shoes.
And when it pours? You can say:
“Well, I’m waterproof.”
Or: “This is the worst day of my life.”
Same rain. Totally different experience. And your reaction is in your control.
Link Stability to Control
“Focusing on what is in your control... that’s what creates stability.”
Let’s take finances, for example.
If financial security is a huge part of what makes you feel stable, but your current job has no path to more money — what then?
You can:
Talk to HR
Ask your boss about progression
Investigate new roles or industries
And if those paths hit a wall?
Then it’s back to your circle of control. Maybe that means choosing a new path that supports the stability you want — rather than hoping for change that isn’t coming.
Your Definition. Your Way.
Stability is not a universal formula.
Maybe stability for you is having 12 breakfast burritos prepped and frozen. (I speak from personal experience.) Maybe it’s a Tuesday morning swim. Maybe it’s colour-coded spreadsheets.
Once you know:
What stability means to you
What supports it
What destabilises it
...then it’s all about returning to your circle of control, again and again.
Because...
You are so much more powerful than you think.
You have so much capacity to change your day-to-day.
You’ve got this 💪
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